


Event Horizon

by yukulicious



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yukulicious/pseuds/yukulicious
Summary: Kyungsoo is a space enthusiast and Jongin meets him and falls in love with the galaxies in his eyes.





	Event Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as part of the first round of kaifectionery back in 2016. It's crossposted on my aff and dreamwidth account, as well as the fic fest's dreamwidth site.  
> I fell in love with the prompt as soon as I saw it. Looking up all the space facts was fun and I still remember working on this piece fondly, as it was my first time taking part in a fest. I hope some of this can still be found in it now.

Stars. Stars had always been just far, far away for Jongin. Living in a buzzing city - one of the top 5 most populous cities in the world - rarely granted him nights dark enough to even see them in the first place. And even the rare occasions when he got to glimpse at some of the tiny twinkling lights, that looked like holes punched through a dark blue cardboard box, didn’t make him feel any closer to them.

 

He recalled that the occasional digressions of his physics teacher in middle school had been interesting for him and he still remembered the most basic facts they had learned about space. But it had never been enough to plant the seed of deeper interest into his mind, so that stars stayed far, far away and kind of cold in Jongin’s imagination, as long as they weren’t painted golden to serve as Christmas decorations in shopping malls.

 

He was an undergraduate student in his second year, majoring in business management - at his parent’s request but he didn’t really mind. His best friend and roommate, Oh Sehun, rarely cared about anything that wasn’t in direct relation to his hobbies or apprentice position as he was learning to become a photographer. So neither his educational path nor the influence of close friends served with explanations for him becoming a new employee at the local planetarium.

Jongin thought it was a series of coincidences that lead to it and he was grateful for a job that suited his study schedule and paid well at that. He didn’t feel the need to elaborate on a deeper reason why someone like him, without advanced knowledge of the matter, had been granted the position of this job and seeing that one of his co-workers, a cheerful brunet young man that loved to talk - and rarely stopped - didn’t seem to be any more in the know about their solar system than he was, made the worries of him being not suited for the position to disappear during the first couple of days.

 

His work area changed biweekly between the planetarium’s café and the small fan shop close to the entrance hall. Sometimes he was asked to help out in the small library the planetarium housed but it had only happened once so far.

The auditorium was cleaned every week but so far, Jongin had always been on the team that got other duties, but whenever he popped his head into the circular, dark hall, that was equipped with lots of chairs that concentrically formed rows around the center of the room, he felt his curiosity tingling in the tips of his fingers.

What kind of magic was worked in here during the shows? How could it leave all these people fascinated and in awe? What fascinated them enough to make them come back?

He could see it in their faces when they exited the auditorium; the stars that used to be just far away were suddenly there - in their eyes.

 

“Have you ever been to a planetarium?”

It was a Tuesday afternoon; his shift at the café had just begun, when he blurted the question out to his co-worker Baekhyun, who paused for a moment to look all over the younger colleague like he was stupid.

“Jongin, we are in a planetarium,” he deadpanned then, continuing to wash the tubs he had used for measuring before.

Jongin ruffled his dark brown hair with an exasperated huff: “Don’t look at me like that, I meant to ask if you went to a show in a planetarium before!”

He tried to justify himself but Baekhyun’s raised eyebrow showed clearly that his hyung wasn’t buying any of it.

He crossed his arms after drying them with the towel he had pushed leisurely through a loop in his belt, thinking for a few seconds before he shrugged.

“I think I went to one during high school. I don’t remember if it was anything like the newer shows we do here but it wasn’t that bad. Why do you ask?”

 

Jongin shuffled his feet and ran his fingers through his chocolate brown hair.

“No reason, I was just wondering… I never went to a show myself and I didn’t have cleaning duty in the auditorium yet either” - he ignored the grumbled  _ you lucky thing _  from Baekhyun - “so I was wondering what it’s like,” he looked at Baekhyun again, who was still crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“If you are so eager you can ask supervisor Junmyeon to put you on the shortlist for the tours. Maybe he will let you take part in one and then you can see yourself. I’m sure he’ll let you have your will. He loves employees who show “real interest” in their work,” he scare-quoted the words  _ real interest _  and rolled his eyes.

Jongin nodded, ready to leave it at that, sensing that Baekhyun couldn’t understand his sudden interest - actually it still surprised him as well - when his co-worker tapped his shoulder. “Or you could ask that boy over there at table 9. It’s like he’s living here and he’s always reading these super intelligent books from the library - you know, the ones whose titles are already a tongue-twister,” he suggested and pointed in the direction of a small young man with dark hair, who sat - engrossed in a book - in one of the corners of the small café.

 

Jongin spluttered. “I can’t just talk to a random customer, hyung! He looks busy and I don’t want to interrupt him.”

Baekhyun waved him off tiredly, “No need to panic,” he placed a small tray on the counter in front of him, “his cup of coffee is empty. You can tidy up and ask him if he wants something more. Then you have his attention and can do a little small talk. Once he sees your handsome face and how charismatic you are, he’ll be sold anyway.”

Jongin raised an eyebrow, but still took the tray and made his way slowly towards the table in the far right corner of the café.

He was flattered by Baekhyun’s words but at the same time, he was aware that he couldn’t have the same effect on anyone. He had learned to not necessarily assume that everyone thought he was attractive or charismatic; no matter how many people complimented him or turned their heads when he walked past them.

 

Jongin took a closer look when he came near. 

The boy’s lips formed a pout and he screwed up his face slightly in concentration.

He bent forward over the table and was inspecting a celestial map, which made him look even smaller than he already was. He wasn’t looking up from the book even when Jongin stood right in front of him, too deeply absorbed in the map under his pale fingers. His skin wasn’t actually pale - it had a healthy color but formed a contrast to his own caramel complexion, making him seem pale in comparison. 

 

The boy looked up with wide confused eyes when he heard the waiter clear his throat politely.

Jongin smiled and the boy returned the gesture shyly - smile tight and a little tensed.

The big eyes and thick eyebrows were the most prominent features in the boy’s face - prominent enough to be still visible behind a thin set of glasses, that sat on the boy’s nose.

“Can I bring you something else?”

The boy’s round eyes flickered from Jongin’s hands who had taken hold of the used coffee cup, back to his face, and his tongue stumbled over a low  _ Thank You _  before he declined the offer politely but firmly.

Jongin couldn’t even take a breath to ask something else or start small-talk, because the boy had returned all of his attention back to the book almost immediately.

He blinked and waited for a split second before he half-bowed and left.

 

Through the course of the shift, Jongin caught himself checking up on the small silent customer at table 9, only to find his face buried in different books. When Baekhyun’s shift ended around 3 PM and their supervisor Junmyeon took over from him, the boy approached to order a sandwich and another cup of coffee.

He was talking to Junmyeon, who thanked him for being a steady customer, while Jongin wiped the cake display clean. He could hear in the way they talked that the customer wasn’t as nervous or stiff to talk to their supervisor but his sentences stayed relatively short. He talked politely and with a firm tone but digressions were clearly not an option.

 

He silently left to return to the table he was occupying before Jongin had the chance to look directly at him again. He turned to look at his supervisor instead, who busied himself refilling the water in one of their fully automated coffee machines.

He could hear the elder humming a happy tune under his breath when he stepped closer to put Baekhyun’s suggestion, to simply ask about the shows, into practice.

The supervisor’s facial expression changed from surprise to delight and Jongin started to smile automatically when he saw the happy eye-smile on the other’s face.

“Of course you can accompany me. I actually have a show tomorrow before your shift starts. Naturally, I can’t force you to come when you have other commitments but I can’t change up the show schedule either. So if it’s OK for you, you can already check it out tomorrow.”

 

Jongin looked up from wiping the tables in the front when he heard a firm, warm voice bidding goodbye to him. The boy with the glasses was standing at the head of the table, books and bag packed up. He smiled and Jongin thought that it was less stiff than the first time, but as soon as it appeared it vanished again and the boy turned on the spot and left the café, not leaving enough time for Jongin to jump into action - once again. At least Baekhyun had been right about supervisor Junmyeon.

 

~ * ~

 

Jongin was delighted to see the boy again during his next shift two days later. After his tour around the auditorium and the chance to actually watch a show himself, the tingling of excitement just grew stronger under his skin and supervisor Junmyeon, seeing the excitement and fascination in his eyes, had asked him if he would want to join the team, encouragingly opening up yet another position in the house.

“You strike me as someone who can handle different kinds of jobs. That’s a really good quality, Jongin. You are an all-rounder that I’d gladly allow to take not only shifts in the café and fan shop. All the spraying charisma and fascination for what I just showed you would go to waste there,” he still could hear the supervisor’s proud voice in his head.

 

Jongin was flattered to be offered a chance to show if he could participate as moderator at supervisor Junmyeon’s side for a show himself and he had excitedly taken the supervisor’s notes for first ideas and the whole concept, but after looking through them he felt kind of insecure. He didn’t want to simply copy the other’s work and put it in different words. He wanted to do something more, something exciting but he didn’t know where to start. Walking into the library without an actual idea of what he was looking for caused disorientation that seemed to swallow him up. It only gave him a headache and he was overpowered with the sheer mass of possibilities. 

 

Taking another shift in the café had set his mind on ease for a bit and when he watched the dark-haired boy sit down at table 9 again, carrying books just like during their first encounter, an idea rose in the waiter’s head.

He fetched their new dessert cards out of his back pocket, when he approached the table with a polite smile, “What will it be?”

The boy looked up surprised but a smile spread on his heart-shaped lips, while his eyes transformed into crescents.

“The usual please,” he answered with a happy tone in his voice, causing Jongin to laugh embarrassedly.

“I’m really sorry. I’m still new and didn’t serve you before, Sir,” he explained apologetically and the boy in front of him started to blush.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry. I’m so awkward, sometimes I just wish I could be sucked in by Sagittarius A-star,” the boy laughed lowly about his own joke but Jongin’s confused look made the hue of pink turn darker when he realized that the waiter didn’t understand, “I’m awful. Please forget what I just said. I would like to order a coffee with a bit of cream and a shot of syrup - no sugar…”

 

Jongin nodded along when he took note of the order before he remembered the new dessert menu. He put it on the table in front of his customer and pointed at it invitingly.

“We have some new pastries. Maybe you want to check them out”, he smiled charismatically and pointed at a picture of a muffin on a small plate. The top of the pastry was covered in dark crumbs and icing, being faintly reminiscent of the milky way, “my personal favorite is the Orionid shortcake. It has Oreo in it and a nice fluffy texture. I like to call it Oroenid,” he explained and paused anxiously after his attempted pun. When the boy in front of him started to laugh, he relaxed and smiled as well.

“This is really cute. I would like to try one. It’s not quite the time for Orionid products but you made me curious.”

Jongin blinked. “Not quite time…?,” he couldn’t help but ask dumbly.

The boy chuckled and waved dismissively. “It’s just that the Orionid meteor shower won’t be visible before the middle of October when Comet 1P-Halley passes Earth… it’s not even September now, so it’s a little early but -” he interrupted himself, clearing his throat, “Sorry for rambling, you probably knew this already.”

 

Jongin looked fascinated at the boy in front of him and shook his head, disagreeing: “No, this was cool! I didn’t know this. How come you know so much? That’s impressive”, he blurted out excited and the boy smiled shyly but averted his eyes.

“I read a lot about space and stuff… it just stuck in my brain,” he seemed a little uncomfortable, trying to justify himself, “it’s just a hobby. I’m not like a scientist or expert or anything…”

 

Jongin sensed the tension in the boy’s body, figuring that he had hassled him with his excitement. He bit his lips, feeling guilty before he took the new menu card again and excused himself politely, “Your order will be there in a minute.”

 

He watched the boy at table 9 even after carrying over the cup of coffee and the shortcake, from time to time. He had his head buried in another celestial map collection once again, and the tingle of fascination flashed up whenever Jongin glanced over at the shy boy.

“I’m sorry - well actually I’m not because I take pride in my bluntness, but you’ve been checking up on table 9 for the fifth time in ten minutes. Do you have a crush?”

Baekhyun nagged the brunet and Jongin rolled his eyes.

“Not a crush. I just think he’s interesting. He knows a lot about space and stars and planets, but he acts like it is nothing special. Oh by the way, do you know what Sagittarius A-star is?”

“Do I look like a search engine to you? I’m a trained vocalist, not a space researcher. Why don’t you google it?”

Jongin grumbled but pulled out his phone anyway.

 

**_Sagittarius A*_ ** _  (pronounced "Sagittarius A-star") is a bright and very compact astronomical radio source at the center of the Milky Way, near the border of the constellations Sagittarius and Scorpius. It is part of a larger astronomical feature known as Sagittarius A. Sagittarius A* is thought to be the location of a supermassive black hole, like those that are now generally accepted to be at the centers of most spiral and elliptical galaxies. Observations of the star S2 in orbit around Sagittarius A* have been used to show the presence of, and produce data about, the Milky Way's central supermassive black hole, and have led to the conclusion that Sagittarius A* is the site of that black hole. _

 

His eyes lit up in understanding and delight. He started to chuckle when he finally realized what the boy had tried to tell him: He made a joke about being embarrassed and changed the usual idiom of wishing the ground would open and swallow one up by referring to being sucked in by a black hole, using the name of an actual existing celestial body.

Jongin couldn’t help but laugh, this was brilliant and clever. It made him just more interested in the boy at the other side of the room.

 

~*~

 

Almost a week passed before he saw the intriguing boy again. It was a different setting this time but one glance was enough for Jongin to recognize the petite stature when the boy pushed through the revolving door that led to the planetarium’s library and passed him, obviously too caught up in his own thoughts to notice people around him.

Jongin had decided to leave his shared apartment early to work on his presentation before his shift would start later in the afternoon.

He was looking through one of the magazines close to the entrance but since he still didn’t exactly know what he was looking for, he wasn’t focused and looked up as soon as he heard the door’s mechanical melody that signalized the entering of the boy that usually sat at table 9 in the planetarium’s café.

Jongin couldn’t help but started to smile as soon as he caught sight of the other library visitor. There was just something about the other that fascinated him.

He hesitated at first but when the small figure was about to vanish behind one of the shelves, slipping deeper into the library, Jongin pulled himself together and followed him.

When he caught sight of the other again, the boy was already seated at one of the tables. Jongin smiled to himself upon realizing that the boy had build his usual fort of books already, that framed, as well as partitioned his workplace from the rest of the table. One of the desk lights was illuminating the pages of the book the smaller was currently inspecting, casting a warm shine on his head. Jongin realized that the boy’s dark hair had a burgundy shine to it, though it seemed to be of a simple dark brown when the thatch of hair wasn’t exposed to light. 

 

He looked up when Jongin took the seat opposite of him. The boy was wearing his glasses again but Jongin could still see the play of emotions on the other’s face: surprise was chased by perplexity before a shy smile set.

“Oh. What are you doing here?” He blinked before realization hit him and he cast his eyes to the desk embarrassedly.

“I-I mean I thought you only worked at the café, so I didn’t expect to see you here in the library… I’m sorry.”

Jongin chuckled.

“It’s fine. I only helped out two times here yet, so naturally, you saw me at the café more often. Actually, I’m here for some research…”

The boy looked up again, big eyes even rounder than before.

“Oh, really? That’s great. There are a lot of really interesting books here. What are you looking for? Maybe I can recommend you one of the books I’ve read already,” he smiled excitedly, causing Jongin to smile as well.

It was nice to see behind the shy, calm facade and the realization that the boy didn’t interrupt his own words and generally seemed less insecure compared to the last time they talked, stirred a bubbly feeling of joy in Jongin’s stomach.

 

“Well, you see… Supervisor Junmyeon gave me the chance to take part in one of the shows at the auditorium, but I never did something like that before,” Jongin pulled out his notes and spread them out on the table, presenting them to Kyungsoo who leaned over his fort of books to take a look.

“This is what I have so far. I don’t want to disappoint supervisor Junmyeon after he invited me to the team but the truth is, before I started working here, I didn’t know anything but how the planets of our solar system are called.”

The boy nodded along to his words and looked up again, and at Jongin over the frame of his glasses.

“Don’t worry. These notes are fine. They are probably enough already.”

Jongin shook his head and sighed.

“The thing is, these are the things Junmyeon gave me. But I want to make more out of it than simply copying his work… But I don’t know where to start…”

The boy sighed again and pulled off his glasses, looking at Jongin directly.

“It will be fine, Kim Jongin. I admire your work ethics but the people don’t come here to be lectured, anyway.”

 

Jongin blinked. He blinked again and pointed a finger at his own chest.

“How do you know my name?” he asked dumbly, all the worries about his presentation forgotten.

The boy opposite of him started to laugh.

“You always wear your café uniform and I could read it right off your nameplate,” he explained with a smile then and stretched out his hand which Jongin took, still a bit confused.

“Well, I guess part of it is unnecessary now but; I’m Kim Jongin, 21 years old, majoring in business management and working part-time at the planetarium.”

“Nice to meet you, Kim Jongin. I’m Do Kyungsoo, 22 years old, majoring in mechanical engineering.”

“What? Wow, I didn’t expect this,” Jongin commented still rather clumsily, only adding to the other’s bemusement.

“I told you I’m not a pro when it comes to astronomy. But you don’t look like the typical business management major either,” he laughed again and Jongin liked the sound more with each second that he watched the other giggle and chuckle. He was surprised though, how open and direct Kyungsoo was all of a sudden. It almost seemed like the boy he had seen in the café and the one he talked to now were two completely different people.

 

“So, you’re my hyung,” Jongin observed when they both sat down again.

Kyungsoo swayed his head slowly before the movement transformed into a nod, causing Jongin to grin happily.

“OK. So, _hyung_ ,” he stressed the word a bit, tasting it on his tongue.

“Can you help me with the presentation?”

Kyungsoo’s head resumed to swaying but this time he seemed to look around the library more than staring into the distance absentmindedly. He sighed.

“I don’t really see the need to change anything but fine,” he agreed, causing Jongin to grin from ear to ear.

“Thank you so much!”

Kyungsoo looked at the desk again but Jongin could make out that he was smiling.

 

They looked through his notes together and Kyungsoo started to explain the details of the mentioned facts to Jongin whenever he assumed it necessary.

Jongin was fascinated and vigorously added little somethings to his notes.

It was comfortable when they talked, even though the elder occasionally interrupted himself bashfully, whenever he was digressing too much. Jongin didn’t mind and he was glad that he didn’t seem to make Kyungsoo feel all stiff and uncomfortable anymore.

“Numbers are always kind of relatable so you could add that the milky way moves 552km/s through space. It’s not like anyone can actually relate to speed like that but…”

Jongin grinned, ready to interrupt Kyungsoo before the other could apologize for _coming up with stupid things_ once again.

“It’s great for emphasis. Especially if I add something like the average speed of a car or plane,” he bent down to annotate the additional information.

“How much is it again?”

Kyungsoo smiled faintly before his eyes wandered to the ceiling, features scrunching up in deep thought when he recalled the numbers he had read in a book only a couple of hours before.

“It’s 552km/s or 343m/s. The average speed of a plane is 700-900km/h, that’s 0,195-0,25km/s.”

Jongin blinked, surprised about all the numbers Kyungsoo had in his head. He laughed to shake off the tingle of fascination, worried it would freeze his body if it got any stronger.

“Wow, when you think about it, it’s pretty dizzy-making.”

Kyungsoo nodded passionately, “Right? Whenever I think of this I get scared for a split second, before I remember that we will probably never really notice any of that because of the gravitational pull of Earth. Oh, by the way, did you know that Earth is the only planet not named after a Roman god?”

The words were bubbling out of the small figure in front of Jongin and he couldn’t deny that the image of the boy talking so passionately cast a spell on him.

There seemed to be so much more behind these walls, behind that boy that hid in the library and built forts of books. The boy who used to talk silently and dismiss any chance of digressing was past all recognition and Jongin liked every bit of Kyungsoo that he was able to discover.

 

~ * ~

 

Kyungsoo maneuvered around the bookcase with ease, running his fingers across the backs of countless books that slept at their place in the shelves, which towered over them like waves, while Jongin struggled to keep track of the boy in front of him. He carried a couple of books Kyungsoo had picked out with a recommendation and even though they weren’t heavy, he felt like he was stumbling clumsily where Kyungsoo walked with an indescribable elegance.

It was like they were swimming, diving deeper and deeper into the ocean of books that the library held. And while Kyungsoo glided into the depths of it with the calm and grace of an experienced swimmer, who had proven his skill and trustworthiness to the sea and its secrets long ago, Jongin felt like he was still struggling in a rocky boat on the very surface of it all, eager to get his toes wet but not quite ready to plunge into it at the same time.

 

“Hyung?”

Jongin tried to catch the other’s attention when they sat down at their usual place again after wandering between the shelves a bit.

“What’s your favorite thing about space?”

Kyungsoo, who had looked up from the book he had skimmed in before, blinked a few times before he leaned back and started to meddle with the right joint of his spectacle frame. He did this unconsciously whenever he was deep in thought and Jongin folded his hands and pursed his lips, anticipating the elder’s answer.

“Well… my favorite thing? That’s tough,” Kyungsoo crossed his arms in front of his chest and huffed, eyes wandering around the library a bit.

“There is so much I find incredibly fascinating. It’s hard to only name one thing. Can’t you be more specific?”

Jongin laughed, but complied, he was happy that he didn’t have to content himself with no _real_  answer.

 

“OK. Let’s see. What is the most fascinating celestial body that you recently read about?”

Jongin smiled and watched the boy opposite, swaying his head mildly.

“I think black holes. And I’ve been getting into constellations. My favorite is Cetus, the whale,” he leaned forward and adjusted his glasses before he continued, “I read that it’s named after a sea-monster from Greek mythology. Something about Andromeda, who was sacrificed but rescued,” he paused and scrunched up his nose, scratching a spot behind his left ear. 

“I didn’t read into it completely but apparently the word is also associated with Ceto, a sea goddess - one of the firstborn, even. Anyway, I like it as simply _The Whale_  the best. They are not really monsters, right?”

Jongin watched him talk with a smile on his face. He liked listening to what the other had to say and how passionate and bubbly he became. 

He also liked to get to know more about Kyungsoo bit by bit, but the tingle of fascination didn’t seem to abate soon, no matter how much he learned.

“Anyway, what I like most about it, is that it is large but not flashy. I think many people don’t even know that it exists. It’s an autumn sky constellation that sits pretty close to the horizon line. What makes it even less noticeable is, that the stars in it have less than 3m apparent magnitude,” he paused when he saw Jongin’s features disarray into confusion about his words. 

“Apparent magnitude is the measure for the brightness of a star, so what I said was basically that the stars of the whale aren’t really bright.”

Kyungsoo laughed and Jongin thought that the gleam of joy and fascination, the stars in the other’s eyes were probably doubling over in apparent magnitude.

 

~*~

 

Jongin could hear Baekhyun huffing annoyed behind him, when he walked around the counter to greet their regular customer, Kyungsoo, who had taken his seat at table 9.

“Hi hyung,” he greeted the smaller man that was rummaging through his bag but looked up surprised when he was addressed fondly.

“Oh, hi Jongin! The usual please,”

The waiter smiled before he tilted his head curiously.

“How was your day?”

Kyungsoo halted in his motions once more to look up into Jongin’s face and smile.

Jongin liked how comfortable Kyungsoo seemed around him now, but he still didn’t share a lot of his personal life and always needed small pushes.

“Uhm… well, I guess it was OK? The lecture today was so crowded that I didn’t get a seat at the front and couldn’t see most of the time - this was kind of annoying, but I found a really cool article about black holes online and printed it out before coming here!”

Jongin smiled and nodded along to the other’s words. He liked how simple questions like that drew Kyungsoo out and how animatedly the latter could talk about one of his most recent, favorite things: black holes.

“I’m almost done with my shift. If you want, you can read it to me in a few,” Jongin offered and Kyungsoo looked at him with big eyes.

“You want to hear it?” he asked, his voice quivering in excitement.

“Of course,” Jongin assured and it was the truth. He grew to like learning new, fascinating facts about space and when Kyungsoo taught him, it was even more fun.

The more he knew, the more he wanted to learn, about the stars - and Kyungsoo.

 

“Kyungsoo, what are your favorite things about black holes? Why are you so fascinated with them?” Jongin asked after sitting down opposite of the latter. He had already changed out of his café uniform and slung his backpack over the backrest of his chair, before he looked at Kyungsoo again, anticipating the man’s words.

 

“Uh…” Kyungsoo cleared his throat shyly and started to play with his fingers and the handle of his coffee cup until he finally spoke:

“Well it’s not really my favorite fact but pretty cool to know: the first discovered black hole is called Cygnus X-1. It was discovered in 1964,” he paused and scratched his left cheek absentmindedly.

“I can’t really explain why they are so fascinating, but after reading a lot of catastrophic scenarios in sci-fi novels when I was younger, actually finding out about the scientific backgrounds and facts makes it even more mysterious and cool.

The massive gravitational influence of a black hole actually distorts space and time in the near neighborhood. But different from some novel-versions, time actually runs slower the closer you get to a black hole,” he explained swaying his head like he usually did and Jongin watched him, not sure if he was more fascinated by the other’s words or Kyungsoo himself.

“And then, of course, that material that gets too close to a black hole gets sucked in and can never escape. It’s kind of scary but I think it has something beautiful to it.”

Kyungsoo’s words grew weaker and weaker until he was only whispering the last couple of words, a coy smile spreading on his plush lips.

 

“And the event horizon…” Kyungsoo’s words died down as he knitted his eyebrows and looked at Jongin inquiringly without finishing his explanation.

“Shouldn’t you practice your presentation, though? The show is tomorrow, right?”

Jongin was still curious about what an event horizon was and wanted to pout about the elder not finishing his explanation, but the fact that the other remembered his schedule made Jongin smile fondly at his new friend.

“You remembered the date?” He asked with a grin, causing Kyungsoo to splutter embarrassedly.

“I’ve been reading through your notes for the past week, of course, I remember,” he bit back, causing Jongin’s chuckle to transform into a laugh.

“I’m happy that you remember, hyung. It makes me really happy. I was wondering if you could come and see me there tomorrow?”

Suddenly the atmosphere shifted. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes wandered around the small café before he looked into his cup of coffee. He was avoiding the other’s eye until he started to shake his head, no, soft features forming apologetic lines on his face.

“I’m sorry, Jongin but I don’t think I can make it. I have a really long day at university tomorrow.”

Jongin nodded and tried to not let the disappointment show that suddenly washed over him. He didn’t expect to feel so strongly about it, but he also didn’t think Kyungsoo would decline his offer. He was always here, in the planetarium. For Jongin, he belonged here like the stars belonged to the sky.

 

~*~

 

“It’s not only that you went around to come up with some really interesting facts, it’s also the way you presented. You’re really good with words and charmed everyone. I’d be really happy if we could include your show in our routine,” supervisor Junmyeon’s words echoed in Jongin’s ears when he entered the planetarium’s library.

It had been two days since his presentation, that went better than he had expected, causing his supervisor to praise him to the skies whenever they met. It seemed like he did charm everyone after all, but Jongin’s smile still quivered. He was still sad that the boy, who had helped him out so much and actually just made it possible for him to give such a good first presentation, hadn’t been there to see it.

Jongin huffed unhappily and started to tidy up the chairs that gone visitors hadn’t pushed under the respective working desk before leaving.

It was almost 10 pm and the planetarium was about to close, but the lamps on the ceiling made the silver lines that the moon cast through the windows go almost unnoticed.

It was a clear night, although that only meant that it was going to be colder outside.

 

Jongin walked around the shelves and put back stray books he found or arranged the chairs. He was doing the last checkup before they were going to close the library.

He wandered through the aisles between large bookcases and the memory of how he had struggled to follow a swiftly moving Kyungsoo made him chuckle.

Jongin turned a corner and stopped laughing to himself when he found the boy he had just thought about.

There were books arranged around his working place, stacked up to form a fort and the desk light shone warmly onto Kyungsoo’s head making his hair shine this special shade of burgundy again.

Something was different though.

When Jongin walked around the large table to greet his friend, he noticed that the fine frame of glasses lay neatly folded on top of a star atlas, instead of sitting on the bridge of the elder’s nose. Jongin leaned over, trying to catch a glimpse of what the other was so deeply absorbed in - head being buried so deeply in the pages - when he noticed it; the small lifting and lowering of the other’s frame, the even pattern in which he breathed in and out, the way his left cheek was squished onto the page, his nose scrunched up slightly while his big doe eyes were closed. Kyungsoo was asleep.

 

Jongin had a hard time not to coo after he recovered from his shock. He didn’t expect to find Kyungsoo here at this time, let alone in this condition.

He chuckled and shook his head, silently beginning to sort the books away that lay around the sleeping man. He started to pack the books belonging to Kyungsoo in a tote bag he found slung around the back of the chair and piled up any other book on the desk to leave them here, so it would be easier for the other to find the books again, when he would return to the library and his favorite spot.

Jongin could sense how the boy’s sleep became restless and he slowly awoke.

He blinked a couple of seconds until he proceeded to rub his eyes while his right hand searched for his glasses.

“Jongin?” He mumbled, obviously able to make out the most of his surroundings even without his spectacles on.

His voice was low and still hoarse from sleep, but Jongin liked the way it sounded when the other said his name like that. He couldn’t really explain why but it felt warm and comfortable and exciting at the same time.

 

“I didn’t know you were hiding here. I would have come earlier so you could have had some company… it’s almost 10 pm now, the planetarium is closing.”

Kyungsoo nodded but didn’t say anything to Jongin’s first words, silently packing the last books and belongings around the table.

“I guess that means I have to go,” he mouthed, the sleep still hanging heavily in his words, his moves, and his whole body.

Jongin turned up his mouth in worry, taking one of the bags of books from the other’s hand.

“Come, let me help you, hyung,” 

 

Kyungsoo smiled gratefully at him, but the tiredness was still all too visible in his face.

They exited the library together and Jongin hurried to get his bag from the back of the café, Kyungsoo leaning at the door frame, waiting for him.

He looked around the dimly lit room, slowly shaking off the sleep. Jongin thought it looked cute, but he didn’t exactly know where this thought came from - Kyungsoo had been just fascinating until now after all - so he just dismissed it with a shake of his head and joined the elder at the door again.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Jongin said softly and they left through the back door of the planetarium, being greeted by the chilly breeze of the night.

Jongin shivered and zipped up his jacket before he slung one of Kyungsoo’s bags over his back. He looked up to the sky, silently waiting for the latter to close up his own jacket while the puffs of air that they breathed out turned into small white clouds. The nights had started to get colder and colder.

 

When they reached the parking lot Kyungsoo looked up at Jongin again.

“Thanks for waking me up,” he smiled, but he looked at their feet so Jongin could only catch a little glimpse of it.

“It’s nothing. But university must have been extremely stressful when you fall asleep just like that. Are you OK?”

Kyungsoo giggled, his cheeks turning peach pink.

“I’m really moved and kind of embarrassed that you worry so much, Jongin. It’s fine. It’s not the first time I fell asleep there,” he looked up at the moon, his features fading into thoughtfulness. “You know, sometimes I don’t want to go home just yet and then this happens.”

Jongin laughed. “Yeah, roommates can be quite a thing. Mine gets on my nerves pretty often but I probably shouldn’t complain. He’s a decent guy after all.”

Kyungsoo smiled but shook his head.

“Actually I’m living alone.”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“It gets a little lonely sometimes, I guess…”

 

Jongin watched the boy next to him with furrowed brows. He didn’t know this.

In fact, there were a lot of things he didn’t know about Kyungsoo, but he had grown hesitant to ask, worried he could make the other shy away from him when he became too nosy.

“I can come over for company, if you don’t mind?”

He suggested then, blushing because he felt kind of awkward for saying it just like that, but Kyungsoo’s bright smile that made even his big eyes turn into crescents told him that he hadn’t crossed a line this time.

“This is really nice of you. You know, if you don’t have any party to attend or homework to do… I wouldn’t mind to have you over some time.”

 

Jongin smiled and so did Kyungsoo until the younger realized they were still standing in the middle of the parking lot.

“What about tonight?”

Kyungsoo blinked and Jongin bit his lips, kind of regretting his fast-forwardness.

“I mean… you stayed at the library because you didn’t want to go home earlier… right?”

Kyungsoo cast his eyes to the ground again, but Jongin could make out how he nodded with a tight smile.

“Then it’s settled. I don’t have any parties to attend or homework to do now and I offered to carry your books home as well, right?”

He smiled lopsided searching for the other's eyes. He wanted to make sure that he wasn’t making the other uncomfortable. Kyungsoo looked around the parking lot instead, tensed silence settling between them. Jongin panicked.

“I’m sorry, sometimes I’m just too blunt. I didn’t mean to impose myself on you-” when he was interrupted by a small chuckle.

“Don’t worry Jongin. I’m just not used to people being so… persistent when it comes to me so I didn’t know what to say,” the elder explained lowly, but with a small smile.

“Let’s go.”

 

They walked to the nearest bus station and waited in comfortable silence until they boarded the bus and sat down next to each other in the very back.

“I didn’t have a chance to say it before, but your presentation was really great. I’m happy I could help with it,” Kyungsoo’s voice perked up but he was looking out the window instead when Jongin looked up as well. He could make out the other’s features blurrily through the reflection in the window but was too surprised about the words to even try and focus on it.

“You were there? I thought you couldn’t make it because of university!”

Jongin almost yelled in excitement, causing Kyungsoo to laugh and scold him for being too loud.

The brunet rubbed his upper arm embarrassedly.

“One of my lectures ended earlier and I skipped a tutorial in order to be in time. I only saw the second half of it, though,” he explained then and nodded along to his own words.

Jongin could sense that Kyungsoo still felt awkward so he didn’t say anything, though he felt his own chest brimming with happiness.

“Actually I wouldn’t have been able to hold a presentation like that without your help and all the cool things you taught me,” he stated but Kyungsoo shook his head.

“I’m flattered by your words, but that’s not true,” he argued and bent over Jongin to press the STOP button. They dismounted at the next station soon after.

 

As they arrived at the apartment complex, Jongin saw tall white buildings towering over them into the deep blue sky.

They passed a guarded driveway and Jongin couldn’t help but be amazed at how nice everything looked. It was simplistic but definitely above-standard.

They rode the elevator in silence and even stayed silent until Kyungsoo opened one of the apartment’s doors at the end of a hallway.

“I usually don’t have guests over, so I don’t have any extra slippers… I hope you don’t mind,” he explained upon entering his apartment.

Jongin shook his head, assuring that he was fine without any slippers while entering the apartment after the other.

“I’m not a big fan of slippers or socks, so you actually do me a favor,” he confessed with a laugh and Kyungsoo whirled around, looking at him with surprise in his eyes.

“Oh, really? I can turn up the underfloor heating a bit for you then.”

He laughed as well and it seemed as if the tension that had built in the elder finally broke down again. It was obvious how much more comfortable he felt, now when they weren’t out in the open anymore.

 

Jongin watched him walk into a small kitchen to his left and followed.

Everything looked clean but it was just as he had expected.

“Anyway, I still don’t get why you think so little of the effort you put into teaching me the stuff I know now. If it wasn’t for that, my presentation would have been super boring…”

Jongin crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the door frame, watching Kyungsoo who had started to wash vegetables.

“It wouldn’t have been boring. You know,” the boy turned around, pointing the bunch of scallions at his guest, “you are one of these people I always envied when I was in middle and high school. It doesn’t matter what you say, people hang on your every word. The most frustrating thing for me is, that it has not necessarily to do with rhetoric or anything that you can learn. It’s just that you are the kind of person that attracts people and I am not. I push them away like a falsely polarized magnet.”

 

They fell silent again after that statement and Kyungsoo huffed frustratedly when he turned back around and began to cut the spring onions.

Jongin looked at his bare feet, not sure how to respond. Kyungsoo had never been that direct to him before, never showed so much of himself.

He listened to the sound of the knife hitting the chopping board repeatedly and pulled himself up on one of the countertops.

“You didn’t push me away, though…” He wondered lowly after a while then and folded his hands on his lap.

It caused the elder to turn around to him again but it was hard to read the other’s features. He smiled despite avoiding Jongin’s eyes before he averted his attention to the stove.

“I hope you’re hungry,” he said instead of reacting and Jongin left it at that. No matter how little he knew about the other, there were things he understood without words.

“You bet I am!”

 

The food was delicious. Jongin didn’t know how the other did it, but he was amazed at how fast the elder had cooked dinner for them, which tasted really good on top of it.

“Do you remember when you told me about black holes? You mentioned something and I couldn’t stop wondering what it means…”

They sat around a small table in the living room area that opened up upon walking further into the apartment. There were lots of bookshelves and a huge desk filling most of the room, leaving only space for a little eating corner with a pair of chairs that they currently occupied. It was kind of cramped but Jongin thought it was cozy.

Kyungsoo looked up from his plate and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”   
“You said there was an event-something, when you told me about what fascinates you the most about black holes,” Jongin tried to explain further, but he felt like he wasn’t all too successful since he didn’t even remember the full name of the phenomena he was referring to. Kyungsoo started to laugh and put down his set of chopsticks for a bit.

“You mean the Event Horizon?”

Jongin nodded dumbly and watched Kyungsoo who was still giggling.

“OK, so Event Horizon is the name for the region around the black hole where the gravity of it overcomes the momentum of the material spinning around it in the accretion disk. This means, once something crosses the event horizon, it is lost to the pull of the black hole. It’s the point of no return. I think this is what I like the most about black holes - the Event Horizon… maybe I over-analyze things but I can identify with this. It’s something that scares me but it’s also intriguing… everyone has those things in their lives, right? Decisions to make from which you can’t return anymore afterward. Somehow every big step we take is its own event horizon..”

 

Jongin smiled, while Kyungsoo threw his hands over his face with an embarrassed grunt.

“I’m sorry, this must have been really awkward and uncool,” he mumbled but Jongin shook his head, taking Kyungsoo’s hands in his own to pull them off the other’s face so he could see him again - and his heart-shaped lips scrunched up in a pout.

“Come on, hyung! Please stop that, will you. There is no need for you to try and take back any of the things you say or apologize for how you think it may have sounded. When you decide to voice your thoughts, do it with pride! You are really smart and thoughtful and what you just said was beautiful and poetic. Don’t apologize for this, Kyungsoo. I’m really glad to have an intelligent, fun friend like you, so stop hiding, please.”

 

He let go of the other’s hands with a gasp when Kyungsoo pulled off his glasses with a shaky sigh and let his head hang low, causing Jongin to panic even more.

“What happened? Are you crying?” - which in return made Kyungsoo start to laugh, as he rubbed over his eyes.

“It’s nothing. I’m just happy,” he whispered amusedly and Jongin’s tensed shoulders relaxed again. He shook his head.

Kyungsoo chuckled about the defeated expression on his friend’s face before he explained himself timidly: 

“It’s just that I don’t think I ever had a friend like you before. You seem more like the popular kind of guy that would never even think of talking to me and now you say I’m your friend…”

Jongin shook his head and huffed frustratedly.

“Hyung, this is not a high school teen movie. Stop thinking in these categories. I’m not a popular guy. Just a guy that works part-time in the planetarium even though I didn’t have any clue about the matter before I met you. I study because my parents wanted me to. I’m not the popular kid, just because some people say I’m good at talking,” he rolled his eyes and Kyungsoo laughed again.

They were friends. At least Jongin considered them that and he had hoped Kyungsoo would, too.

 

~*~

 

They started to spend the time before Jongin’s shifts in the library and it occurred more and more often, that Kyungsoo accompanied Jongin to the café and stayed there to read until the younger’s shift was over, too.

Jongin liked how comfortable Kyungsoo seemed around him now; how he shared more and more details about him and what he liked the most were the Friday afternoons and evenings. It had become their routine, their own ritual to head to Kyungsoo’s place after his shift was over. Kyungsoo would cook for them and they ate dinner together and talked. Sometimes Kyungsoo taught him something he could use for a presentation, or simply things he found fascinating and Jongin hang on his every word. Sometimes they played games together or discussed their favorite bands while showing each other songs and listened to music together. Jongin was happy when he could be with Kyungsoo, when he could watch him cook or talk animatedly about something he liked. He liked how Kyungsoo’s eyes lit up as if thousands of stars, more even - a whole universe lived inside of him.

To others he seemed invisible, hidden behind his glasses and strands of hair, that fell lazily into his face but Jongin thought he was gorgeous in a way that he couldn’t explain.

 

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes enough for it to be visible even with his glasses on.

“Please spare me, Jongin!”

The latter laughed. “No really, I’m curious. How come you can afford such a nice place. You even have that sunroom and an own telescope over there…”

Kyungsoo sighed and rolled around on the floor next to his friend Jongin.

They had been listening to some music while browsing through one of Kyungsoo’s star atlases when the question came up.

“I was asked about this a couple of times and there were really nasty rumors, I’d rather not talk about it,” he explained with a low voice and tight smile then, causing Jongin to prick up his ears.

“Rumors? What did they say? I hope you didn’t believe them. People and their ideas can be really mean sometimes…”

He looked worried at Kyungsoo and tilted his head that he had rested on one of his arms before.

Kyungsoo sighed. “OK, I’ll tell you. I mean… I guess I shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it and just suck it up. The truth is pretty boring actually: my parent’s own parts of the complex so it was easy for them to get a good deal for me here. You see, my father is an architect and my mother’s firm part-financed the construction of the complex. So that’s it… but of course, most people in my first year of university didn’t really care to ask. I wasn’t necessarily easy to talk to, even though I always tried to be friendly and make friends - so they made up their own ideas as to how I was able to afford this apartment,” his voice grew weaker and Kyungsoo’s features tensed up, the memories seemed to hurt him but after a few deep breathes he continued still.

“The rumors didn’t last long and there were several silly ones but one of them really hurt me. It made me feel so violated and disgusting though I knew that none of it was true,” he looked up at Jongin, who was calmly listening, worry still evident in his eyes.

Kyungsoo’s emotions changed from sadness to anger.

 

“How can people be so mean and evil and make up so horrible things about people they don’t even know?! They didn’t even know me! How can you just go on about your life and laugh with your friends about that one guy from your class and spread lies about how he’d… he’d offer himself for special services!?” The anger brought tears to Kyungsoo’s eyes who pulled off his pair of glasses and started to rub over his face with the sleeve of his hoodie.

He was fitfully sobbing and Jongin didn’t know what to say, surprised by this outburst.

He slowly reached out to pat the elder’s shoulder, trying to calm him, to sooth the fire he had stirred up with his insensitive question.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I shouldn’t have asked. But I hope you didn’t believe these rumors or thought they were in the right.”

“Of course I didn’t. But it still hurt!” The latter rejected sulky, still massaging his eyes that were puffy and red now.

 

“So… your parents are architects and got you that flat? This is so cool,” Jongin smiled pacifying. He wanted to prove to Kyungsoo that he didn’t care about the old rumors but believed in the other’s words instead.

Kyungsoo nodded with a small smile.

“Yeah, I’m their only child; so of course they did everything in their power to provide for me. I’m really grateful… but sometimes I wonder if they did it only because they were worried I wouldn’t be able to find a roommate or flat on my own. I mean… I always was _special_ when it came to socializing, right?”

 

Jongin’s furrowed his brows and looked at Kyungsoo for a while, searching for something in the other’s face, in the other’s eyes, that told him he was joking. He didn’t find it, causing his guts to feel cold and heavy.

“Your parent’s told you that?” He asked again and it was hard for him to hold back the dismay, that he felt within.

Kyungsoo shook his head with a sad laugh.

“No, no it’s not like that. I guess I just spent a lot of my childhood living up to their worst worries. You know, when I was still in elementary school I liked to play for myself. Most of the other children were too loud and rough for me, so I avoided them. I’ve always been rather introvertive. However, my teachers got worried about the lack of interaction I had with other children - though I wasn’t refusing communication or anything. I just liked to read or play alone better than with my classmates.”

He sighed and rolled around, laying on his back now, eyes fixed on a spot at the ceiling that was adorned with patterns of shadow and light created by the streetlights outside.

“So they talked to my parents and this is when it all started. They tried to not make a big deal out of it... but I think it’s kind of stupid to think an 8-year-old wouldn’t be able to understand what this was about. That I was different than children should be…”

He furrowed his brows, lips quivering because he was so upset. 

Jongin’s heart sank when he could hear a choked sob escaping the elder, but when he looked to the other, Kyungsoo was rubbing over his eyes with a stubborn frown.

“At some point, I realized that I am like Pluto. I was always the one small kid, away from the others. I was a planet, just like them, alright? Small, far away and certainly less important than any other but still. I was told that I still belonged because I was just a planet, like them, right?”

Jongin scrunched up his face. He could sense that it was a simile but he couldn’t quite read where it was leading.

“But then something happened. I don’t know when or what exactly but at some point, it was decided that I wasn’t what they always told me to be - what I had always learned I was. I wasn’t a planet - not a usual one at least. Maybe a bit but actually not. Because of something I’ve done or just something in the way I am... I’m just like Pluto, Jongin. I am small, far away, from minor importance and I was somehow never what was said I should be. I _had to be different_. And maybe that’s just what they always expected.”

 

Jongin watched Kyungsoo lying there in the middle of his living room carpet, looking at the ceiling like he was stargazing - but there were no stars in his eyes. The galaxies were fogged with sadness, dismay and hurt.

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin spoke lowly, not wanting to startle the elder in the vulnerable state, he was in at this very moment.

“You might not be a planet like everybody else… but this is your power. Don’t you think you should embrace the dwarf planet you are then?”

Kyungsoo looked at him, surprised about the adaption of his simile evident in his face, but so was the small smile that slowly grew on his lips.

“It’s kind of hard… after the rumors and everything.”

 

They were silent for a while, only listening to the playlist they had found before when Jongin finally realized what Kyungsoo had just confessed. His heart was throbbing against his rib cage and he felt the heat running hot under his skin and ice cold down his spine.

At first, his mind went blank and he didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t the first time that he was confronted with this topic but the fact that it was packed in a simile didn’t make it easier. It was simple, actually but their society didn’t necessarily work like that. Jongin bit his lips and breathed deeply, before he finally spoke - words that he somehow would have loved to hear someone say to him all those years ago when he was struggling on a different, yet frightening similar front line.

“It’s so unfair that they ruined it for you; that they ruined something that they can’t understand or feel themselves. It’s infuriating but you’re not the one who should be ashamed. It’s so unfair what they did to you but it’s fine now, Kyungsoo. You’re fine now… there is nothing wrong with it and you’re not alone.”

 

Kyungsoo sighed and sat up, facing Jongin. His eyes were still puffy and he sniveled lightly but he didn’t seem to mind Jongin seeing him like that anymore.

“Can, can I hug you?” He asked, look cast to the ground, voice almost too thin for the other to even make out the words he had just said.

But he understood. Jongin nodded and wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s back when the latter scooted closer and let himself sink against his frame. He felt the elder’s fingers shyly creeping up his shoulder blades but it was a pleasant sensation. Kyungsoo needed someone close, someone as a proof that he wasn’t alone anymore and Jongin was eager to help and somehow - he needed this hug - this proof, too.

 

“Thank you, hyung. It really means a lot to me that you told me all this…”

Jongin said in a whisper and smiled down at the other when they broke free from one another again. Kyungsoo peered over once they both sat next to each other again, Jongin leaning on the couch while Kyungsoo had his knees tucked up, chin resting on his knee caps.

“Actually I don’t even know why I told you. I’ve never spoken about it to anyone before but when you’re around it seems like I just can’t stop the words from coming… I-I hope it’s not bothering you. I just guessed that this is what friend’s do. I’m kind of inexperienced with this.”

Jongin smiled.   
“It’s alright, Kyungsoo. I really like to listen to what you have to say. I once heard that it is good to give voice to what is bothering you - to get it all out.”

“I guess there lies some truth in it. I actually feel a lot better now.” A small smile crept on his face when he glanced at his friend.

“Thank you, Jongin.”

Jongin just smiled. His chest, that had been tensed and pained by seeing his friend in anger and pain, rose with warmth now, when he looked at him, watching him click through some of the songs on the playlist until he found one he liked. When he noticed Jongin’s eyes on him, he looked up again, sending another smile that reached his eyes and made them sparkle just like stars again.

They had shared some stories already but this had been the deepest, ugliest; but maybe also most honest of them and Jongin felt like he was able to see behind the always polite and collected facade now.

Kyungsoo wasn’t like Pluto, he wasn’t small, far away or less important but it was how he felt: lonely, disconnected and misunderstood. It broke his heart but Jongin thought that maybe when he looked into the mirror, Kyungsoo just couldn’t see the stars in his eyes - the warm glow, the colorful galaxies, that he saw.

 

He leaned back, his head resting on the seat cushion of the small couch and sighed, but when Kyungsoo looked over curiously, he just smiled at him like he always did.

The elder smiled back and scooted closer, leaning his head onto Jongin’s shoulder.

Jongin could smell the soft yet fresh odor of Kyungsoo’s shampoo invading his nostrils while the soft voice of the other reached his ears; he had started to sing along to the song they listened to. Jongin closed his eyes, focusing on the rich, warm voice and the weight of Kyungsoo’s head on his shoulder. Kyungsoo had said that he didn’t know how to thank Jongin enough for being there and being his friend but at times like this, when Jongin’s heart hammered like the beat to the song the other was singing and his stomach felt like it was filled with fizzy water and shooting stars, he thought that maybe he needed to thank the elder instead; for making him feel whole, though he had never realized he wasn’t before.

 

He felt warm and safe, where Kyungsoo was, just the way he hoped he made the other feel. He felt the warmth seep through every cell of his body when they lay beside each other and watched the stars projected onto the opposite wall. 

Jongin watched Kyungsoo’s finger draw patterns and constellations in the books they hovered over in the library and whenever their heads or shoulders touched he felt a spark, spraying excitement like a shooting star, rushing through his inner night sky.

And then, one night when he lay awake in his bed and looked at the play of shadow and light on the ceiling above, his thoughts wandering back and forth only to be about the small boy with the big eyes that hid passion and fascination and stars within, the boy whose laugh made him happy by just thinking about it, the boy with the softest voice and features, hid behind his set of glasses; he realized it.

Somewhere between their shared laughs and their favorite songs; between the nights they had spent lying on their backs in the middle of Kyungsoo’s living room, looking at the ceiling, talking about everything and nothing, it had happened. He had lost and yet found himself - he had crossed the event horizon.

 

~*~

 

“Shouldn’t you be working?”

Jongin grinned cheekily at Kyungsoo who raised one of his eyebrows, looking up from the book in front of him.

He was sitting at his usual spot at table 9 in the café again, watching Jongin who had started to wipe off a table nearby.

“I am,” he riposted, causing Kyungsoo to roll his eyes at his friend.

They were alone in the café causing Kyungsoo to lose his shyness in a way he usually just did at home, where he felt safe.

The thought that _he_  made him feel safe made Jongin feel funny inside but it was the good kind; the warm, bubbly kind of funny.

 

Kyungsoo shook his head and was about to look back into his book when Jongin held out a flyer to him. It was decorated with a lot of stars and showed a picture of people watching the night sky. The text was written on a stereotypical shooting-star-shape whose yellow color highlighted the dark blue font.

“It’s only because of you that I even knew the Orionid meteor shower would be around now, so I thought it would be cool to go and actually see it together,” he explained in a cheery voice but Kyungsoo seemed skeptic.

“There will be a lot of people, right?”

“Probably. They also have booths where you can buy food and little souvenirs,” he explained further until he paused, realizing that the spark of excitement didn’t jump over.

He furrowed his brows and bent down to get on eye-level with his friend.

“Hey, you don’t need to feel pressured to go if you don’t feel like it. I just thought it would be great to go stargazing with you - not just in books or with a projector on your living room wall but to see the real thing and shooting stars.”

 

Kyungsoo smiled faintly and Jongin returned the smile - it almost seemed like the magic spell that made the elder calm down again when he was uneasy or upset.

“Actually it sounds really fun… it’s just that I have some projects for university and…”

Jongin grinned and pointed at the flyer again, “It’s one of the later events, I made sure it’s after all your deadlines,” he nodded for emphasis causing Kyungsoo to grin, but he still averted his eyes awkwardly.

“You keep track of my deadlines?”

“Sure. I mean, we talk about stuff like that and I know how important your studies are for you… so,” he shrugged unaware of how much it meant to Kyungsoo that he did care so much.

 

*

 

The cold air had painted their cheeks rosé after a few minutes upon their arrival already. Kyungsoo pulled up the collar of his jacket, trying to crawl deeper into the warm shell of the fabric by hunching his shoulder while Jongin dug his hands deeper into the pockets of his mouse-grey parka. 

“I don’t really understand why the event starts so early…” Kyungsoo’s words were half swallowed by his muffler, but Jongin could still hear him and started to chuckle.

“It’s getting dark earlier now,” he explained and put his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders casually pulling him along.

Kyungsoo looked at him from under his dark blue beanie before he scrunched up his face, causing small wrinkles to form between his eyebrows. He didn’t seem convinced.

“But the best time to see meteor showers is early in the morning, or in dark moonless nights. I doubt it will be dark enough to see anything with all the tacky decoration,” he eyed the fairy lights that adorned the stalls they passed snidely, causing Jongin to erupt into laughter once more.

“I like them. It’s kind of romantic, and don’t worry, over at the field there will be no lights, so you’ll be able to see the stars just fine,” he grinned and Kyungsoo shook his head, but he was smiling again while they made their way across the small plaza.

“It’s not as packed as I feared it would be,” Kyungsoo admitted when they stopped at a booth that sold Tteokbokki.

 

Jongin smiled as he watched his friend slowly relaxing. He was glad that the other had agreed to go with him here. Even though they had grown close and spent a lot of time together, it was still special for him this time.

He nudged the elder softly after paying for their shared order, the plastic bag with their food dangling from his wrist.

“I told you it would be alright,” he said softly and Kyungsoo smiled, still looking around the darkening sky curiously.

“You’re right and I kind of knew it would be. I trust you,” he smiled, so that his lips formed a heart around white teeth before he turned around and went ahead, exploring other stalls with more interest than before. It seemed like Kyungsoo needed to warm up to everything new first, not only to people and Jongin had grown to love to watch him; the way he smiled bashfully but polite at the people around when he was engaged in conversation unexpectedly, or the way he wouldn’t stop to fidget with his fingers when the impressions around him became overbearing.

 

Jongin took Kyungsoo’s fidgeting hands, encompassing cold fingers with his warm ones, causing the elder to look up surprised, before his featured relaxed again and he smiled.

“Did you find something you like?”

He asked in a whisper and Kyungsoo giggled and shook his head.

“Not really. But I like the lights… they actually look like stars from afar because their sizes vary…”

He pointed at one of the displayed fairy lights with his free hand, keeping the other in Jongin’s secure grip.

They checked out two other stands before Kyungsoo’s attention shifted back to the plastic bag that still dangled from one of Jongin’s wrists.

He laughed. “We shouldn’t forget to eat. It would be a pity to wait till it’s all cold.”

Jongin agreed and they walked further to the edge of the plaza where wooden benches and tables formed a picnic area. The plaza was located halfway up a small mountain in the outskirts of Seoul. It had taken them quite a while to get there, but now when they were standing at the railing, able to watch the enormous city blinking to their feet like an ocean of small lights and stars, Jongin thought that it was well worth it.

They sat down and started to eat, sharing the portion Jongin had bought earlier.

The rice cake was soft and the spicy sauce helped them to stay warm when night fell and it became even colder than before.

 

“It’s kind of funny how excited and obsessed humans have always been with meteor showers and shooting stars. Actually, they’re just leftovers of a comet, a small solar system body made of ices, dust, and rock. Their nucleus-” he looked at Jongin who raised one of his eyebrows, but was still listening attentively, “That’s what the main body of a comet is called - it contains water, methane, nitrogen and other ices and when pieces of it stream from it, these leftovers populate the comet’s orbit and if Earth happens to move through that stream, the particles fall to Earth as meteor showers.”

Jongin grinned, resting his chin on one of his hands.

“That sounds pretty cool to me,” he spoke up then, and Kyungsoo laughed.

“Yeah. Actually, you are right. But most of the people probably don’t even know this.”

 

Jongin shifted his weight, angling for a remaining piece of fishcake with his chopsticks.

“But you know all of this, which makes it even cooler.”

He sounded casual but he glanced at Kyungsoo unobtrusively, hoping his words would make the other smile his heart-shaped smile again - and he did.

“I hope I didn’t tell you before - I don’t want to bore you with it - but did you know that meteor showers are named after the constellation in which radiant they appear? That’s why it is called Orionid.”

He looked at the sky, watching how the stars slowly appeared, just as if someone had pulled off a dark blue blanket under which they had been hiding all along.

He averted his attention back to Jongin when the other moved next to him; he had sat down on the table top and tapped at the space in front of him encouragingly.

Kyungsoo complied wordlessly, his eyes fixed on the dark sky that seemed to transform slowly until it didn’t seem so dark after all.

They both had seen in the auditorium of the planetarium how clear and vast the view of the night sky in rural areas could be and they both knew that they were too close to the city’s lights and wonder to see it all, but they still sat there in silent awe of the stars that gleamed above them.

 

Jongin was lost in the view in front of him, how Kyungsoo craned his neck to look up at the sky, how his mouth opened ever so slightly and small puffs of air escaped his lips, how the gleam of the night sky seemed to spark stars and galaxies in his eyes until the whole boy seemed to glow. It was a beautiful sight, a beautiful warm glow that cloaked the young man and drew Jongin in like a black hole. 

Kyungsoo was lost in the view that spread across the sky he looked up to without tiring. All the small gleaming lights, all the galaxies, and planets he could see with bare eyes made him feel small, but it was comforting. It made the hardships of his youth seem small and far, far away, while he felt like the sky was so close, he could reach out and grab a star if he just tried to.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Jongin.”

Jongin, who had watched Kyungsoo, startled up from his thoughts, blinking confusedly before he scooted closer and rested his chin on Kyungsoo’s left shoulder.

He now understood that Kyungsoo had found solace in the worlds far away, where he could leave behind all his worries and insecurities.

“Thanks for coming with me, hyung.”

 

They didn’t speak and just watched the stars in comfortable silence. Jongin could feel how Kyungsoo leaned into his chest and scooted closer whenever a gust of cold wind played around their feet and he liked it. He liked them close.

“I always thought that stars were cold and far away,” he mused then when Kyungsoo huddled closer into his embrace once more.

The boy nodded.

“I sometimes thought so, too. When I was angry or sad… I screamed and cried at them, for blinking up there like everything was alright when nothing was.”

Jongin nodded and craned his neck, his eyes wandering across the night sky that glistened around them - thousands of lights of the city to their feet.

“But now I don’t think so anymore.”

“Me neither,” Kyungsoo agreed with a small smile, burying his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

“Look how close they seem. It’s almost as if I could reach up, pick one and give it to you,” he whispered, looking up at the sky again, the stars sparkling in his eyes.

They were right there, Jongin thought and he had fallen for them.

 

*

 

“Sorry that you couldn’t see any shooting stars.”

Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo’s fingers softly, who shook his head with a smile.

“No, it’s fine. It was getting so chilly and it’s more important that we don’t catch a cold, right? You have another presentation at the planetarium next week.”

Jongin grinned. “You keep track of my shows?”

Kyungsoo, understanding that the other was parroting his own reaction from a few days prior, rolled his eyes.

“Of course I do. You are my best friend.”

Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo’s fingers again, but they didn’t say anything anymore for a few minutes, silently walking through the streets, that leads from the bus stop to the apartment complex Kyungsoo lived in.

 

“Sometimes, when I count back and realize that we’ve only known each other for two months, it feels really strange to me.”

Jongin side-eyed Kyungsoo, who furrowed his eyebrows absentmindedly.

“You know because I feel like we’ve known each other for ages. There is nothing I couldn’t entrust you with or anyone I have ever felt more understood by. So earlier, I didn’t only mean to thank you for bringing me to see the stars, but for all the other things, too.”

Jongin smiled, all the shooting stars they missed seeing today exploding colorfully in his inside. He started to laugh, to give vent to the bubbly feeling in his stomach.

“And you said _I_ was painfully romantic,” he mocked, earning an embarrassed growl and a painful nudge to his side from Kyungsoo.

 

They passed the next block of houses silently when the complex of white skyscrapers came into view on the right side.

“I told you about my favorite constellation and black holes, so… what is your favorite celestial body?”

Jongin looked up again upon hearing the question and he chuckled.

They walked up to the complex’s main door.

“I think it is the moon.”

Kyungsoo stopped on the top of the stairs, eyebrows knitted questioningly.

“Why that? You don’t seem like a moon to me. Actually, it’s kind of ironic even: You catch everyone’s attention with ease and people turn their heads when you walk by - girls as well as boys. Who would you orbit around?”

Jongin looked at Kyungsoo without saying a word. His eyes wandered over the dark thatch of hair that peeked out under the beanie he wore, shining in its usual, yet mystic burgundy shade in the cold light of the street light.

He looked at the elder’s figure, well wrapped up in a jacket and a black muffler, hiding the small frame and narrow shoulders that had become harder and harder not to embrace for him every second. He looked at the heart-shaped lips that were pressed onto each other curiously but didn’t cease to make his heart beat faster, even if their cute shape wasn’t recognizable. Jongin looked at his eyes, where he could still see stars and countless galaxies sparkling, though the sky above them didn’t anymore.

“You,” he whispered, nodding shortly into Kyungsoo’s direction.

They were still holding hands, which he squeezed once more before he looked up again.

“You’re not like Pluto, hyung. You are like the Earth and I am the moon.”

 

Jongin looked up when Kyungsoo suddenly let go of his hands, but before he could make out where they were gone, he felt them cupping his face, fingers running through his hair and over his scalp, grasping with a soft passion. He could feel Kyungsoo’s warm breath, felt their noses bumping into each other when heart-shaped lips pressed onto his own.

He could feel plush lips nipping at his, sending soft shivers of excitement through his whole body. Kyungsoo’s stand was unsteady when he tiptoed to meet Jongin’s mouth with his own but the latter held him, locking him in an embrace. He was still overpowered with what happened but he didn’t ask, he didn’t want to spoil what rushed through their hearts and veins with any words. 

Jongin tried to brand all the impressions, everything on the memory: how Kyungsoo’s lips tasted, how his skin felt, how their mouths fit together and their warm breaths mingled in the cold air around them, how it made his inside tingle and heat up, everything - every little bit of it.

 

Kyungsoo’s breath hitched and as he broke loose to grasp for air and then he froze - realization striking through his body like a bolt, followed by a panic that flickered in his beautiful eyes.

He stumbled back, clapping his hands over his mouth.

“I’m- I’m so sorry!”

His voice shook with horror as he nervously unlocked the door and disappeared in the tall building without looking back. The sound of the door snapping shut ran like a shudder through Jongin’s ears, who couldn’t do anything but watch.

It all happened too fast.

When he finally recovered from his stupor, his chest ached as he tried to make out the window of Kyungsoo’s flat up in the white, cold tower of a building that rose up against the dark night sky - to no avail.

He could still feel the tingle of the other’s lips on his but the warm, bubbly feeling that had boiled up in his guts before, was trampled out like a fire, leaving behind nothing but the bleak taste of cinder and fear.

 

He cursed and ran his fingers through his hair desperately. His body was still trembling, still drunk on the feelings he had for his best friend, whereas realization sank in like heavy rocks of ice; the realization that things had changed, that nothing would be like before.

They had lost control and maybe that meant they had lost themselves. There was no turning back anymore - they had crossed their event horizon.

 

~*~

 

Jongin didn’t catch a glimpse of the boy that usually sat at table 9 in the far corner of the planetariums café the following week. The table stayed empty, as well as his favorite desk in the library. It was as if the stars had taken him away that night and Jongin couldn’t wash the bleak taste of cinder off his tongue. The fear, the regret lay heavy like stones in his stomach.

He found himself standing in front of the white apartment complex, never recalling how he got there, but in the end, it didn’t matter, because he never dared to ring the bell and left again, his head hanging even lower than before each time.

He missed hearing Kyungsoo’s voice when he talked excitedly about something he had discovered in a star atlas, he missed the spark in the other’s eyes that set fire to his insides.

He missed them holding hands like it was the most natural thing. He missed lying in Kyungsoo’s living room and sharing secrets and anecdotes with their heads touching, while they both looked at the ceiling like it bore a big secret. He missed watching Kyungsoo cook, he missed Kyungsoo - missed being with him.

 

But the truth was, that he was as afraid of actually meeting him, as he was of never seeing the other again. He didn’t know what to do or say.

He was in love with Kyungsoo, they had kissed and then the elder had run away.

Jongin sighed again and turned a page of the star atlas he was looking at. He didn’t pay attention anymore, though. One ot the images had reminded him of Kyungsoo - as almost anything did that surrounded him - causing his thoughts to drift away, reviving the bittersweet memory of that specific night. 

He still didn’t understand what had happened to them.

 

He looked up when he could hear steps that echoed down one of the aisles in the empty library he had disappeared into.

Jongin stumbled to his feet clumsily once he realized who stood there, appearing between two of the bookshelves that towered over them; it was Kyungsoo.

“Jongin,” his eyes widened in surprise and though they were hidden behind the frame of his glasses Jongin still knew. He could see how the elder’s fingers twitched in panic.

It had been just a whisper, but it was so silent around them that Jongin heard his name echo through his bone.

“Hyung,” he breathed, hesitantly taking a step towards the other, who didn’t dare to look at him directly. Jongin was scared the other would run away when he approached him. He still didn’t know what to say - or do and he was scared all the more to do the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo blurted out, pressing his eyes shut when Jongin halted in front of him.

Jongin sighed deeply and shook his head.

“Don’t say that,” he smiled thinly.

“The last time you did, you ran away and disappeared for almost two weeks.”

Jongin hadn’t planned to say anything but he just couldn’t hide how hurt and desperate he felt once he caught sight of the other.

The boy’s hair was tousled, he looked tired and the atmosphere that pressed heavily on their shoulders obviously made him feel uncomfortable and weak.

 

“But- but I am.” 

Kyungsoo clutched the hem of his pullover, eyes still cast to the ground.

“I shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong to just run away but, but I’m a coward like that.”

Jongin’s smile quivered, he didn’t like it when Kyungsoo talked so little about himself. He reached out his hand and gently grabbed the elder’s shoulder in a comforting manner.

“You’re not a coward-”

“Yes, I am. We both know darn well I am!” Kyungsoo cut in - louder this time.

“I crossed the line without thinking, got scared of the consequences and ran away. I’m a fucking coward. But I don’t want…” he started to tremble and Jongin couldn’t contain himself any longer. He grabbed the other by the shoulder and pulled him into a hug.

Kyungsoo tried to resist, pressing his hands against Jongin’s chest, but his resistance crumbled down within seconds as he pressed his face deeper into Jongin’s shoulder with an uncontrollable sob.

 

They stood in silence, Kyungsoo’s snivel echoing through the empty library lowly. Jongin’s hand had wandered up, combing through the dark brown strands of hair of his friend comfortingly. He was still hurt, still insecure but he was glad to have the other back.

“You’re right. You’re my only natural satellite. The only person who just stays… who is there. And it’s true. You can see the rise and fall of the tides, caused by your gravitational pull,” Kyungsoo heaved a shaky sigh before he continued speaking. He bedded his head on Jongin’s collarbone, while he felt the younger’s hand not ceasing to play with his hair in a soothing manner, that was just as intoxicating and wonderful.

“You move me, Jongin. But I don’t want you to be the moon. It’s egoistic but I don’t want, I can’t even deal with the sole thought of it,” he furrowed his eyebrows and repeated.

“I don’t want to if it means that you’re drifting away from me, as the moon drifts away from Earth. I just want you to be you, I want you to be Jongin and stay. I know, this is probably a lot to ask but I… I like you so much. This is why I couldn’t help but kiss you. You are so handsome and not only that, you’re also a really great person with a likable personality and you are a great talker but you always listen to all the boring things I have to say. You always care for me and I don’t want you to ever stop. I might not be your type - I’m just small and-”

 

“I’m in love with you, hyung.”

Kyungsoo halted and Jongin bit his lips. He didn’t mean to cut in but he just couldn’t hold it back any longer - not when he could watch how Kyungsoo started to struggle with his insecurities again.

“I thought you were fascinating from the very start. I wanted to talk to you so much. I behaved so stupidly but you still didn’t run away. Instead, you helped me, even though you didn’t even know me and the more you talked, the more I wanted to listen; the more I saw from you, the more beautiful you became. I know that I said we were friends but… you just drew me in like a black hole and I crossed the event horizon long ago.”

 

Kyungsoo broke free from Jongin shyly, his lips still pressed together, but he was smiling and the very sight made Jongin smile as well. The heavy stones inside his guts were forgotten and he couldn’t help but chuckle awkwardly.

“But I’m just… I’m just Kyungsoo. I’m just small, awkward and talk a lot about space. You are so much more and…”

Jongin shook his head softly - effectively shutting the other up. The smile on his face grew bigger as he cupped the other’s face tenderly, his thumbs caressing the elder’s cheeks.

“You are just you, you’re just Kyungsoo and this is more than enough. This is all I want.”

“But-” Kyungsoo bit his lips, eyes flickering shyly between Jongin’s face and the floor.

Jongin laughed and bent down until their foreheads were touching.

“No matter how many times you try to tell me that you think you’re not good enough, I won’t tire to assure you that you are just right.”

Kyungsoo’s lips started to quiver dangerously, tears welling up in his eyes.

“OK,” he breathed and Jongin smiled. 

“OK,” he repeated softly and ran his thumb over Kyungsoo’s cheek, wiping off a small tear that crept down the elder’s cheek, as he closed his eyes when their lips met in a short, tender kiss.

 

~*~

 

In the course of the next month, Jongin realized that a love confession didn’t solve all their problems magically. But it was OK.

Kyungsoo got into the habit of visiting him in the planetarium’s café after his university lectures were over. He would wait for Jongin’s shift to end so they could go home together. Sometimes they even went to his shared flat and after a few times, Kyungsoo seemed to warm up to his best friend, Sehun.

Their characters differed a lot, and so did their interests and hobbies but Jongin was glad that they somehow managed and got along well, anyway.

At the beginning he had been scared, Kyungsoo would just do it for his sake; faking interest in front of Sehun, but he was proven wrong when his lover asked about a photography exhibition his roommate had talked about.

“I like to try and think outside of my box, Jongin,” Kyungsoo had stated with crossed arms, his body language and tone of voice expressing huffines.

It were times like that, that made Jongin realize that Kyungsoo was a work in progress, that he learned, that he tried out new things and that he didn’t need to worry and shield him from everything, even - or rather precisely because he knew about his insecurities.

 

The contrast between the openly giggling and animatedly talking Kyungsoo he saw when they cooked together or cuddled up in front of the TV in Kyungsoo’s living room and the timid boy that turned pale by the sole mention of crowded places or attention was frustrating for both of them; for Kyungsoo because he felt flawed and worried about Jongin getting tired of him, as well as being impatient with the process he made - for Jongin because he could sense how Kyungsoo got angry with himself and he didn’t want this to happen. 

He would wait patiently and support the other tenderly, proud of every bit of process they made but he worried that Kyungsoo would stop believing in it altogether, whenever he slammed the door and locked himself up in his bedroom during cheerless nights.

Love confessions didn’t make all problems magically disappear - but they helped.

 

Jongin watched Kyungsoo with a soft smile while the latter sat in front of him on the floor. The boy leaned forward to look through the telescope, that pointed somewhere into the dark, pitch black sky, through one of the large windows.

It was cloudless that night and Jongin wondered if the bone-chilling cold outside would cover the streets and trees with sparkling layers of hoar frost.

He pulled Kyungsoo closer and hid his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder, who cast a glance over his shoulder with a small laugh, one of his warm hands resting on one of Jongin’s arms, that he had wrapped around Kyungsoo’s stomach.

“It’s sad that we can’t go and watch the stars again, now when it’s so cold…”

Jongin mumbled and rested his chin on the other’s shoulder before he rubbed his face into the warm fabric on the elder’s back again.

“It was so beautiful how you sat there under all these stars, so romantic…” he whispered and he could feel that Kyungsoo chuckled again by the way his torso vibrated under his ear.

“Actually I just watched the stars so attentively back then because I was scared to stare at you all the time. I couldn’t shake the feeling of being on a date with you after all,” Kyungsoo explained the story from his point of view, smiling.

 

He leaned back until he could feel Jongin’s strong chest and when he peered up into his boyfriend’s handsome face, Kyungsoo couldn’t help sighing contentedly.

Jongin looked down into Kyungsoo’s face, his fingers beginning to trace his features featherly. They smiled, silently immersed in each other’s eyes.

Jongin’s fingers traced Kyungsoo’s soft face, his cheeks, and chin. The tip of his fingers wandered up - still barely touching the other’s skin - and caressed his temples and eyebrows, his nose and the cupid’s bow of his beautiful lips.

Jongin’s eyes followed his fingers and it almost was as if he tried to memorize each and every feature.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered, causing Kyungsoo to smile at him with a touch of pink on his cheeks.

Kyungsoo took a hold of his fingers and pressed them onto his own cheeks softly.

Being in actual contact with the other’s skin now, send another streak of shivers through Jongin’s body, where they added colorful sparks to the cocktail of emotions that simmered within.

“Me too,” the smaller whispered in return and Jongin could feel how he broke loose from his embrace, only to turn around and approach him again. They were face to face now, which made the elder act shyly.

Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s hands finding their way around his neck and sensed how the boy’s warm body snuggled into his chest.

He liked how close they were, how he could almost feel Kyungsoo’s heartbeat seeping under his skin, like the warmth that the boy emitted did.

Kyungsoo’s fingers started to play around his neck, drawing patterns with cool fingertips on his warm skin, the pleasant shiver wandering even deeper under his top than the fingers of his lover did when they dipped under the fabric experimentally.

Jongin furrowed his brows, causing Kyungsoo to giggle, who still looked into his face with a contented smile.

Jongin felt the excitement running up and down his skin when he saw the spark in the other’s eyes, the cool fingertips ceaselessly drawing magic patterns on his sensitive skin.

He bent down until their foreheads touched and they kissed. They kissed again and again but each touch of their lips tasted like excitement. 

They kissed longer and deeper, tasting the passion and their deepest feelings from each other’s lips and tongues.

Jongin reached up, cupping Kyungsoo’s face softly and pulling him close again when the latter broke loose and sat up.

Their breaths mingled and Jongin could feel how Kyungsoo pressed his hands onto his shoulders that he relaxed when looking up at the boy, that was kneeling in front of him now.

Their foreheads touched again, causing both of them to chuckle. Kyungsoo’s cool fingers wandered up and cupped Jongin’s face as well before they kissed once more.

Jongin loved it when they kissed like that, without thinking about what had been or would be. He loved how daring Kyungsoo got when they kissed deeper and more fiercely until their lungs started to burn from their lack of oxygen.

It was as if they just grew hungrier with every kiss they shared.

 

Jongin could feel how Kyungsoo’s lips trembled in excitement as his hands reached down and touched his hips. He paused upon realizing how deep his hands had reached, and drew back his fingers instantly, resuming to cup Kyungsoo’s face tenderly instead.

He felt the other sigh against his lips in lieu of kissing him again.

Jongin blinked and looked at Kyungsoo’s face, trying to find a hint of what was going on in the elder’s head.

“Is something wrong?”

He asked worriedly but it just made Kyungsoo sigh again - louder this time.

The boy looked up and into his eyes for a few seconds before he ruffles his dark brown hair.

“Can you-” the boy paused and pressed his slightly swollen lips onto each other before he resumed to talk, looking up and directly into his boyfriend’s eyes then.

“Can you… stop acting as if I was made of glass?”

Jongin blinked again but it just seemed to cause more irritation and discomfort in the elder.

“I won’t break if you touch me, Jongin.”

 

Jongin felt hot blood shooting up into his face and down at the same time, making his stomach feel funny.

“What- of course, you’re not made of glass” he tried to laugh the embarrassment away but Kyungsoo’s gaze told him that the latter wasn’t going to fall for it this time.

“You know exactly what I mean, Jongin,” he sighed once more and the frown on his face fell to make place for a mixture of embarrassment and sadness.

“I know that it’s difficult for me. I’m not experienced and for a long time, I was scared to admit all this to myself. I know that you try to be considerate and let me set the tempo in this but sometimes I would much rather you didn’t...”

 

Jongin sighed and looked around for a while before he dared to look at his boyfriend again.

He kissed the boy, just to look into his eyes inquiringly again.

“Is this really what you want, hyung?”

He asked and Kyungsoo bit his lips but nodded coyly.

Jongin felt how he pulled at his pant legs, making him stretch his legs and as he did, he felt Kyungsoo already climbing on top of his lap until he was straddling him.

“I think I do,” he confessed in a whisper but it set Jongin’s skin on fire.

He watched Kyungsoo circle his arms around his neck again. It felt like small electric shocks when he brushed his nose, lips and his ear with his plump heart-shaped lips. Jongin tensed up.

 

“Isn’t it, what you feel when you are with someone you like? That you want to be close to them and them to be close to you?” he added with a small voice and Jongin could hear that the insecurities welled up in the small body again like dark billows of smoke.

“Is it weird that I feel this way? That I think about you and want to touch you - want you to touch me? I know that I’m not exactly attractive, but you said you liked me just like that but when- when nothing ever happens I can’t help but wonder… if I’m simply not desirable enough after all,” Kyungsoo explained. His voice had died down further and further with every word he spoke until all that remained was a whisper before he hid his face at Jongin’s collarbone; cheeks hot and red in embarrassment.

 

Jongin closed his eyes and wrapped his arms firmly around Kyungsoo. He buried his nose in the other’s hair and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweetish scent of the other that tickled his nose. Jongin couldn’t really explain it but the boy smelled of vanilla and something else that he didn’t find words for.

It was an intoxicating smell, which made his insides tingle and he felt like he could never get enough of this feeling.

He sighed as he stroked Kyungsoo’s back reassuringly.

“You are desirable for me, Kyungsoo,” he breathed calmly. He could see in the corner of his eyes how the elder glanced up at him and pouted.

“But why does nothing happen, still?”

Jongin sighed once more and for a moment he had to suppress a small, albeit distressed chuckle.

“Because I was scared to corner you. I was scared it would be too much for you and you wouldn’t dare to tell me to stop,” he pressed his lips onto each other as he watched Kyungsoo detaching his head to look into his face again.

The boy furrowed his eyebrows in worried expression and shook his head softly.

“What makes you think I wouldn’t- do you think I don’t trust you enough to dare and speak up if it’s too much or too fast for me? I know that you would never hurt me, Jongin,” he countered with a displeased huff.

 

Jongin felt his heart diving as he watched the other, averting his eyes while disappointment distorted his beautiful features.

“Kyungsoo,” he whispered helplessly, searching for the other’s eyes. He wanted him to look into his eyes again, wanted to see the sparks and stars and endless galaxies in them again.

Jongin reached out to cup Kyungsoo’s face again, making him look into his face before he sighed one last time and pressed his eyes shut when he started to speak.

“You are desirable for me. I love the way you kiss me and how our hands fit together so perfectly. I… my fingers start to tingle by the sole thought of-” he paused embarrassedly and pressed his lips together.

“What I mean to say is, that of course, I think about it. I want to be close to you, Kyungsoo and I know that you trust me but this doesn’t mean that I… trust myself.”

Jongin could hear Kyungsoo’s voice crack into a sweet chuckle but he was too embarrassed to look up.

“I told you before, you’re like a black hole that drew me in, hyung. And… and I’m scared that I will hurt you. What if I can’t turn back or stop? What if we cross this event horizon? I don’t know what will happen if we do.”

 

When he finally dared to look into his lover's face and eyes again, Kyungsoo smiled at him. His cheeks were still painted in an adorable hue of pink and he circled his arms around Jongin while pressing his lips onto each other sweetly.

“I don’t know what will happen either, Jongin,” he whispered and Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s lips ghosting over his cheek before he felt them firmly pressed against his own mouth.

Jongin pulled the other closer once he felt Kyungsoo’s tongue on his lips and they started to kiss deeper, hungrier again.

Jongin felt his scalp burning sweetly when Kyungsoo’s fingers ran through his hair, trying to pull him even closer.

They kissed again and again, and each kiss tasted more intense than the one before. Kyungsoo pressed his hot lips onto Jongin’s Adam’s apple, and Jongin’s hands that had stroked his back found their way under the elder’s pullover, feeling hot soft skin.

They were both trembling when Kyungsoo pressed closer, lips and tongues playing fiercely until they broke lose to catch their uneven breaths and look closely into each other’s eyes.

Jongin felt Kyungsoo’s jittering hands on his temples and cheeks; he felt how the boy pulled their heads together until their foreheads were touching again.

Kyungsoo’s breath was still uneven and hot but his words were calm and soft.

“I don’t know what will happen either, Jongin… but I want us to find out.”

Jongin looked into Kyungsoo’s eyes, into the wonderful orbs that hid thousands of stars and galaxies within, before he let go with a sigh. He let go of all the worries and insecurities he carried himself. Jongin closed his eyes and the gap between them.

 

Stars. Stars had always been just far, far away for Jongin but they weren’t anymore - gleaming in the eyes of the boy he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to read this all to the end. I'd be overjoyed if you'd leave kudos or comment with some feedback. ♡


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